Excuses
Growing up, my mother was a teacher. Some of you that read this may have even been in her class at some point. But let me tell you something, having a mom as a teacher is quite difficult. The worst part of your mom being a teacher is convincing her to let you stay home from school. The second worst part of having a mom for a teacher is the excuse that she writes to take to the teacher when you somehow convinced her to let you stay home (which meant you were on your deathbed).
Seriously all she ever had to say was "Katie was not feeling well," but oh no, to make it authentic she would DETAIL all of my problems. Every single illness I had she would do this. Seriously, if I had a cold she would write "Katie's fever started at approximately 8p.m. two nights ago. I administered some child Motrin and the fever went down to a normal temperature. However, during the night it spiked again and by this time had developed a slight cough. Phillip, took her to see Dr. Williams yesterday morning, and he prescribed her with an antibiotic. We have been monitoring her every since and she seems to be feeling well enough to attend school again. Please excuse her from this absence." Honestly, this is enough to make a child do their best to stay healthy.
Oh and one time when I was in about the seventh grade, she took me to a new hairstylist. I came out with a mullet. So, the next day I had to go to school with this haircut. I was not a happy camper. What does the teach do? She writes a letter asking them to allow me to wear a baseball cap because I had received a bad haircut. I can't remember if I actually gave it to the teacher, or just endured the day. These notes to the teacher were a constant in my life while I as growing up.
When I went to college, the most liberating thing for me was not being able to go out and drink, or party or anything like that. Nope, it was being able to skip class and not have to tell the teacher why. I have five absences, I can take them for whatever reason I feel like taking them for, and no one is going to write a letter explaining why. Liberating. Actually, I think she even suggested I write my law professors excuses for their absences.
So today, in my mail Grandmother had sent me this little newspaper with all sorts of funny columns. One of the columns was a list of excuses received by Alabama Schools. Let me list you some of my personal favorites (the spelling has not been changed).
1. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and 33.
2. Please excuse gloria from jim today She is administrating
3. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels
4. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe the runs.
5. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
And last but not least:
Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night."
Please if you are a parent and you are reading this, keep it to a minimum. Don't embarrass your child, think through their excuses. It is the summer now, you can practice up before school starts again. I sincerely hope this post brings you a good laugh, but please remember, I am not kidding. If you need to run some practice excuses by me, I am all ears. If you happen to identify with this experience, I feel your pain. Sidda and I suggest you taking the day off tomorrow, without an excuse. Hey, call in well!
Seriously all she ever had to say was "Katie was not feeling well," but oh no, to make it authentic she would DETAIL all of my problems. Every single illness I had she would do this. Seriously, if I had a cold she would write "Katie's fever started at approximately 8p.m. two nights ago. I administered some child Motrin and the fever went down to a normal temperature. However, during the night it spiked again and by this time had developed a slight cough. Phillip, took her to see Dr. Williams yesterday morning, and he prescribed her with an antibiotic. We have been monitoring her every since and she seems to be feeling well enough to attend school again. Please excuse her from this absence." Honestly, this is enough to make a child do their best to stay healthy.
Oh and one time when I was in about the seventh grade, she took me to a new hairstylist. I came out with a mullet. So, the next day I had to go to school with this haircut. I was not a happy camper. What does the teach do? She writes a letter asking them to allow me to wear a baseball cap because I had received a bad haircut. I can't remember if I actually gave it to the teacher, or just endured the day. These notes to the teacher were a constant in my life while I as growing up.
When I went to college, the most liberating thing for me was not being able to go out and drink, or party or anything like that. Nope, it was being able to skip class and not have to tell the teacher why. I have five absences, I can take them for whatever reason I feel like taking them for, and no one is going to write a letter explaining why. Liberating. Actually, I think she even suggested I write my law professors excuses for their absences.
So today, in my mail Grandmother had sent me this little newspaper with all sorts of funny columns. One of the columns was a list of excuses received by Alabama Schools. Let me list you some of my personal favorites (the spelling has not been changed).
1. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and 33.
2. Please excuse gloria from jim today She is administrating
3. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels
4. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe the runs.
5. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
And last but not least:
Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night."
Please if you are a parent and you are reading this, keep it to a minimum. Don't embarrass your child, think through their excuses. It is the summer now, you can practice up before school starts again. I sincerely hope this post brings you a good laugh, but please remember, I am not kidding. If you need to run some practice excuses by me, I am all ears. If you happen to identify with this experience, I feel your pain. Sidda and I suggest you taking the day off tomorrow, without an excuse. Hey, call in well!
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