What Season Are You In?

I believe we have different seasons of our lives. This is nothing new, many people refer to life in those terms. I do wish sometimes that we could see the label of the season we were in. Think about it, often times you can't really understand what season you were in until you can turn around and look at it in hindsight. Maybe it is better that way, but at this point in my life I keep wondering, what season am I in. What is it that God wants me to learn, figure out, or discover about myself. Actually, I am also wondering what path he is setting me upon, what direction my life should take next.

I doubt I am alone in this - I suspect many people out there are trying to figure out what season they are living through. Although I sometimes think people confuse their "season" with their "wellness". All you have to do is walk down the self-help aisle at any bookstore. I heard a pastor say last year that there are so many books about being "well with yourself" or "staying healthy". He didn't go quite as far as to suggest that doctors like for people to think they aren't physically well, but he came close to it. However, his point was that we need to be "well" and "healthy" with God before we will ever feel "well with ourselves." It all depends on your definition of "wellness" I guess. If you think that means being extremely healthy or extremely skinny, then those books will help. But there are a lot of people that are really healthy and skinny that seemed just as "unwell" as a short fluffy person as myself.

What I am trying to say is I don't think that figuring out the path of God for my life will be found in some "wellness self-help book". (Yes, I do realize walking a couple of miles a day would make me feel healthier, physically.) But anyway figuring out the season you are in is more of a dialogue between you and God. Something about that frightens people I think. For me it sometimes scares me to think of what God might ask of me - make sense? People keep telling me that this might be a season of learning "patience", or learning to wait for God's timing. Honestly, there are times in the day that I keep thinking "Dear God, I don't exactly remember praying for patience. But okay."

I do feel like I am suspended in a season of unknowing, though. It may sound as though I am loosing faith in God, but the reality is - I am not. During this "time of being suspended in unknowing" I have come to realize that God will and does provide. He has continually provided for me. I have learned to be completely humble in the providing he has done, but he has provided. That is something to celebrate, and it amazes me over and over again.

However, I have decided to keep a daily journal to document the journey. I have always journaled, but not a daily "this is what I did today, and this is how I felt today" kind of journal. So, I decided that I am going to keep a daily journal for a year. This will of course be in addition to the journal I already keep. You see, I had a friend accuse me this week of "growing". How can other people see me "growing" and I can't? In particular she wanted to know how I was handling the "growing". If I can't see the growing how can I even know how I feel about the "growing?" Hence, the reason for the daily journal - maybe a daily recollection will help me realize the "growing".

I guess I have a tendency to just hold my breathe through the days, instead of taking the time to enjoy and feel them. Another person, who knows this about me, reminded me this week to "breathe." I guess this new journal will help me take the time to "breathe" through what is a lot more natural to me "writing." Anyway, its a new chapter for me....