Waiting
I have had a lot of change in my life over the last several weeks. I don't want this blog to be a journal, so I haven't been able to write. I feared that if I started writing, I would just journal and believe it or not, I am a little more private than that.
Change is always hard, even when it is good change. I helped some of my great friends move last week. I am happy for the wonderful possibilities and excitement for my great friends, but sad they are not here to hang out with anymore. In truth, I guess part of me is continuing to wait on the great possibilities of my future, and I am feeling "stuck". Especially when so many friends have moved away in the last year. I keep praying for something to finally happen in my life and I am tired of hearing other people say "be patient." I don't know about you, but a year is a long time to be patient.
A co-worker asked me today if I was alright and I said - "no, I am just ready for a change and I am trying not to get overwhelmed by it all." She told me that Psalm 138 has sustained her in times like these. She quoted, “Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me. You will stretch out Your hand against the wrath of my enemies and Your hand will save me. (here is my favorite part…) The Lord will perfect that which concerns me. Your mercy O Lord endures forever.” This is such an awesome verse of scripture, but I would be a liar if I said that it isn't hard to hear right now.
Part of my struggles recently is a "call" that I may or may not have to ministry. I realize some of you do not believe or agree with female clergy, and I respect your beliefs. However, I really do not want this blog to become a debate about that subject. I am just simply explaining what is going on in my life. Actually, this has been going on for several months. I am waiting for that Morgan Freeman like voice from God to tell me what I should do with my life. Meanwhile I have all these humbling experiences with strangers and sometimes people I know, telling and showing me a way. My boss pointed out to me "God uses people to speak to us." Lets just say that discerning is not easy and as my co-worker reminded me today, waiting is not easy.
Sometimes I feel like we all spend most of this life waiting. We wait in lines at the grocery store, doctor, pharmacy, school, getting on airplanes, getting off airplanes, at restaurants, at the bar, in public restrooms. We wait for test results from schools, doctors, work. We wait for emails, text messages, facebook messages, some of us even wait for comments on our blogs. :) We wait for others to get ready when we are going out somewhere. Take this moment and really think about how much we wait. There is a contingency in the science world that thinks we sleep most of our lives, but I think we wait most of our lives.
The thing is we should be "living" during the waiting. I wish I could say that I am embracing this waiting and really doing all I can to live and enjoy it, but lately I have just been bitter and down right ornery. I know in my heart that I should let more of Jesus in and let more of my bitterness out.
The image of standing in the line at Walgreens keeps popping in my mind. If you ever stand in line there, you will see their little shelf of things you "forgot" or "necessities." They always have Advil, ibuprofen, breath mints, nail files etc. Things you will always need. But sometimes there are lots of other random things that you would never buy or think about while walking around the store. Okay some of those things are slightly embarrassing and I would never buy, i.e. the new KY Jelly products (they shouldn't advertise for that stuff on TV either.) But they usually have the latest AS SEEN ON TV products, such as the ShamWow.
My point is this, maybe Walgreens has this all figured out. We should take our waiting time to not only reflect on the things we always need but to try out new things in life. The waiting slows us down enough to make us think about the things in life we have missed along the way or the turns in life we could have already made but were going so fast we missed. Sometimes the waiting even reveals new things that we could have never dreamed up for ourselves. We should be glad that God slows us down to let us see all of the possibilities we miss while rushing through our living. Its not easy to appreciate the waiting - take it from me - but I know I am going to be praying during this time for God to let me see what I have been missing and the the things in life I never envisioned could be possible.
Change is always hard, even when it is good change. I helped some of my great friends move last week. I am happy for the wonderful possibilities and excitement for my great friends, but sad they are not here to hang out with anymore. In truth, I guess part of me is continuing to wait on the great possibilities of my future, and I am feeling "stuck". Especially when so many friends have moved away in the last year. I keep praying for something to finally happen in my life and I am tired of hearing other people say "be patient." I don't know about you, but a year is a long time to be patient.
A co-worker asked me today if I was alright and I said - "no, I am just ready for a change and I am trying not to get overwhelmed by it all." She told me that Psalm 138 has sustained her in times like these. She quoted, “Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me. You will stretch out Your hand against the wrath of my enemies and Your hand will save me. (here is my favorite part…) The Lord will perfect that which concerns me. Your mercy O Lord endures forever.” This is such an awesome verse of scripture, but I would be a liar if I said that it isn't hard to hear right now.
Part of my struggles recently is a "call" that I may or may not have to ministry. I realize some of you do not believe or agree with female clergy, and I respect your beliefs. However, I really do not want this blog to become a debate about that subject. I am just simply explaining what is going on in my life. Actually, this has been going on for several months. I am waiting for that Morgan Freeman like voice from God to tell me what I should do with my life. Meanwhile I have all these humbling experiences with strangers and sometimes people I know, telling and showing me a way. My boss pointed out to me "God uses people to speak to us." Lets just say that discerning is not easy and as my co-worker reminded me today, waiting is not easy.
Sometimes I feel like we all spend most of this life waiting. We wait in lines at the grocery store, doctor, pharmacy, school, getting on airplanes, getting off airplanes, at restaurants, at the bar, in public restrooms. We wait for test results from schools, doctors, work. We wait for emails, text messages, facebook messages, some of us even wait for comments on our blogs. :) We wait for others to get ready when we are going out somewhere. Take this moment and really think about how much we wait. There is a contingency in the science world that thinks we sleep most of our lives, but I think we wait most of our lives.
The thing is we should be "living" during the waiting. I wish I could say that I am embracing this waiting and really doing all I can to live and enjoy it, but lately I have just been bitter and down right ornery. I know in my heart that I should let more of Jesus in and let more of my bitterness out.
The image of standing in the line at Walgreens keeps popping in my mind. If you ever stand in line there, you will see their little shelf of things you "forgot" or "necessities." They always have Advil, ibuprofen, breath mints, nail files etc. Things you will always need. But sometimes there are lots of other random things that you would never buy or think about while walking around the store. Okay some of those things are slightly embarrassing and I would never buy, i.e. the new KY Jelly products (they shouldn't advertise for that stuff on TV either.) But they usually have the latest AS SEEN ON TV products, such as the ShamWow.
My point is this, maybe Walgreens has this all figured out. We should take our waiting time to not only reflect on the things we always need but to try out new things in life. The waiting slows us down enough to make us think about the things in life we have missed along the way or the turns in life we could have already made but were going so fast we missed. Sometimes the waiting even reveals new things that we could have never dreamed up for ourselves. We should be glad that God slows us down to let us see all of the possibilities we miss while rushing through our living. Its not easy to appreciate the waiting - take it from me - but I know I am going to be praying during this time for God to let me see what I have been missing and the the things in life I never envisioned could be possible.
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