What Has Been Going On With Me

I haven't updated in a while. Every time I start to write something I keep thinking of all the things I want to say, but I keep coming back to things I shouldn't say. I shouldn't tell you about work, and I shouldn't complain because I have a job. But do you ever wonder about people you work with? I work at a church, and I find myself wanting to scream at people "have you lost the point of ministry?" I really don't think they remember that they work at a church.

Several of the women are just plain mean to me. One of them says on a weekly basis something to the effect of "I wonder what kind of boss you are going to be, now that you are having to be a peon." I finally said to her, "this is not my first time on the low end of the totum poll." And let me tell you, its not! I realize that their problem is mainly their insecurities. I don't go around saying "I am a lawyer." I even forget about it most of the time. I have learned a lot about myself, and if I ever go "into the ministry," I have learned a lot about what I don't want to do.

Oh, and the other little thing is, I have decided to move. No, not to another apartment, but to another state. Since Christmas I have had all these things which have been happening and they have led me to thinking about moving. BUT lately some things have made me realize this is what I want to do. I need more. I need a city with single people. I am ready for something exciting and new.

About two weeks ago I got an email about a clerkship that is coming available in an area I have been talking about moving to for a couple of years. At first I just let the email sit in my inbox and I just ruminated on it. A couple of days later, a conversation with a friend made me seriously consider this move. I emailed a professor and told her about this opportunity. I asked her how I should go about this application process, and how to apply to other clerkships in that area.

A couple of days passed before I heard from her and I started questioning this entire series of events as "coincidence". I texted a pastor friend of mine and said "do you think this clerkship and email is God or do you think this is coincidence?" I was sitting at my computer when I heard my text message buzzer ring and I simultaneously got an email. Her text said "I always lean toward God." Then I read my email, which was from the professor who gave me a detailed outline of the steps I need to take to really pursue this. I just took a breathe and said to God, "okay, I got it."

I am applying and I am actively pursuing this. For whatever reason, the idea of moving has really made me very happy. Happier than I have been in a long time. I feel such a peace about it. I don't feel a peace about actually getting the job. I have doubts in my ability to even get the job, or a job out of state. Everything in this world keeps saying "you are crazy, no one is going to hire you." I think some of my friends even think I am crazy, and I don't have a shot. But I feel God in the middle of this. So, we shall see. I appreciate your prayers.

Now that I have all of that off my chest, maybe I can start blogging on a regular basis again. Oh, and to make you laugh. I called my mom this week to tell her that Holy Week was going to be really busy for me, we have five services, and I am in charge of Easter Lilies. I suggested that she and Dad come here for Easter - because of my busy work schedule. After she caught her breathe from laughing at me, she said "are they going to make you be the Easter Bunny at the Easter Egg Hunt?" Funny Mom. I told my boss that story today, he laughed, and then said "what a great idea. I bet you can fit into the suit." Thanks Mom.