I Don't Wear Hairspray, But I Know Better Than To Show My Pantie Line
My Mother went to a beauty pageant yesterday in which my sixteen year old cousin was a participant. After it was over, Mother called to vent about how ridiculously long it had taken. (6 hours). Apparently, there are all these new categories in pageants, for instance "best eyes." You have to pay additional fees to enter into the various categories. I personally think someone is getting very rich off of this idea, and I wish I had thought of this. Plus, I remember the judges sit down below the stage and so how do you even judge "best eyes" from a long way away? I digress...
Anyway, yesterday, they had to keep bringing my cousins' age group back out to "turn" so that they could break the tie in the evening gown competition. According to Mother, one girl in this division had a "glaring thong pantie line" under her dress. Mom said, "the Judges brought them back out to watch them turn three times!" Of course my response was, "were they men?" She didn't think that was funny. By this point Mom is so worked up in telling me this story, the clincher was that the girl with the thong pantie line won. She freaking won.
Now, every good Southern girl, even those of us who don't use hair spray, know that you should never have a pantie line. So, for the judges in the South to pick a beauty queen with a pantie line, and a thong one at that is just a disgrace, right? Well, my Mother was not happy about this. So, instead of just being comforted by going home and telling all her friends, she decided to track down the judge that lingered after the pageant to ask her about this choice.
Yes, that is right, my Mother found the Judge backstage and said, "I was just a spectator here today, and I have a question for you. Now, my daughter was not in pageants, so I don't really know everything you are looking for. However, in the evening gown category, is the fit of the dress what matters?" The Judge said, "well, what do you mean?" And Mother says, "well, the girl that was chosen as the winner in the teen category had a GLARING thong pantie line. By the third time you brought them out to make them turn, EVERYONE in the audience noticed it." In Mothers words, the Judge threw her shoulders back and in her very best pageant voice said, "well, I look at the face and the attitude of the girl." Mother said, "okay, that is all I want to know."
Obviously, this Judge has no decent taste for rewarding such horrible behavior as showing your thong pantie line. (I thought no one wore panties in pageants, but I could be wrong.) However, I tried to remind Mom that the Judge was probably paid off to pick this girl in the first place. We all know how these things work. My main concern was the fact that mother APPROACHED THE JUDGE to question the decision. Seriously? I told her that if she didn't watch it she was going to be thrown off the pageant circuit, even as a spectator.
After she calmed down, she then told me that there was a baby category. Apparently people walk there babies across the stage. I told Mom that she could feel free to enter Sidda next time, and walk her across the stage. I GUARANTEE YOU she would win, and she certainly has no pantie line!
Anyway, yesterday, they had to keep bringing my cousins' age group back out to "turn" so that they could break the tie in the evening gown competition. According to Mother, one girl in this division had a "glaring thong pantie line" under her dress. Mom said, "the Judges brought them back out to watch them turn three times!" Of course my response was, "were they men?" She didn't think that was funny. By this point Mom is so worked up in telling me this story, the clincher was that the girl with the thong pantie line won. She freaking won.
Now, every good Southern girl, even those of us who don't use hair spray, know that you should never have a pantie line. So, for the judges in the South to pick a beauty queen with a pantie line, and a thong one at that is just a disgrace, right? Well, my Mother was not happy about this. So, instead of just being comforted by going home and telling all her friends, she decided to track down the judge that lingered after the pageant to ask her about this choice.
Yes, that is right, my Mother found the Judge backstage and said, "I was just a spectator here today, and I have a question for you. Now, my daughter was not in pageants, so I don't really know everything you are looking for. However, in the evening gown category, is the fit of the dress what matters?" The Judge said, "well, what do you mean?" And Mother says, "well, the girl that was chosen as the winner in the teen category had a GLARING thong pantie line. By the third time you brought them out to make them turn, EVERYONE in the audience noticed it." In Mothers words, the Judge threw her shoulders back and in her very best pageant voice said, "well, I look at the face and the attitude of the girl." Mother said, "okay, that is all I want to know."
Obviously, this Judge has no decent taste for rewarding such horrible behavior as showing your thong pantie line. (I thought no one wore panties in pageants, but I could be wrong.) However, I tried to remind Mom that the Judge was probably paid off to pick this girl in the first place. We all know how these things work. My main concern was the fact that mother APPROACHED THE JUDGE to question the decision. Seriously? I told her that if she didn't watch it she was going to be thrown off the pageant circuit, even as a spectator.
After she calmed down, she then told me that there was a baby category. Apparently people walk there babies across the stage. I told Mom that she could feel free to enter Sidda next time, and walk her across the stage. I GUARANTEE YOU she would win, and she certainly has no pantie line!
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