Grace, to let you by my servant, too...
A friend of mine was talking with me this week as she was preparing her sermon for today's Good Friday service. She said, "there are so many things I could talk about, but I think I am going to focus on the darkness of Good Friday. Meaning, the fact that by God sending Jesus to earth and to die, he was able to fully understand what it means to be human. Thus, he understands our struggles when we are in the valleys of darkness. The conversation has really been on my mind this morning as I reflect back over this week.
Recently some people were asking me why the Methodist and Episcopal Church baptize infants. I thought a moment and said, "we believe that God is before us, God is for us, God is in us and God is through us." So, in part, the baptism of infants is a sign to the rest of the World that God loves you before you ever love him - God is before us.
This week I have also seen lived out another part of the "God is before us." Back in the fall when I was hired at this clerkship, I had just moved to a new place in the city I live in. It did not make monetary sense to move again, and some people even said I shouldn't take the job. I prayed about this and something just told me that this was the thing to do.
I mentioned to a friend of mine from college that I was going to be working in this new town and she said, "my grandmother lives there. Let me see if she would mind you staying with her a couple of nights a week. My grandfather is not well, and you might be some company for her." Low and behold her grandmother said yes and I began to stay with Mr. and Mrs. S two nights a week.
People kept asking me, "isn't it a little weird to be staying with these people?" Or they would say, "what do you do?" Honestly, from day one it was not weird at all. It seemed so normal to be there and we all just hit it off right from the start. Well, except one thing - Mr. S. let me bring him his drink at night for dinner but he made sure to tell me, "Now, Mary is going to bring my food." And that is how it worked - I would make our drinks and get his tray set up and Mrs. S would bring him his food. We eat and watch our shows and do crossword puzzles and just visit.
I guess I should add that Mrs. S is, if not the best, sorry Dad, one of the best cooks I have ever known in my life. If you know me, you know I love to eat a good meal. My best friend laughs at me often and says, "Katie, you are in heaven." And I tell her, "you got that right."
Lately, I have been feeling a little guilty wondering if the S family thought I shouldn't be staying with their parents and grandparents because maybe they thought this was a bad thing. My friend, Mrs. S's granddaughter, told me a couple of weeks ago, "I am a little worried about grandmother when you leave. She loves having you there." I wasn't sure if she was being nice or if she really meant that. Although, it is funny because my mom keeps saying, "what are you going to do without Mrs. S?"
So, Monday when my friend called to say that her granddad was taking a turn for the worst, this spirit moved in me telling me to get up there to be with Mrs. S. My friend said, "maybe you should wait to go, you know how grandmother is." But that spirit said, "Katie get up there now." Boy am I glad I listened to that spirit. I didn't realize until I got to that hospital how much I have grown to care about, and love the S's.
I am so grateful that God allowed me to be there for Mrs. S during this time. That sounds like such a "pat me on the back kind of statement," doesn't it? But that really is not what I mean. God put these people in my life and all they have done is give and give and give. I am sure that is where my guilt has come from the last couple of weeks, I have not been able to give back to them. Sure, I unload wood or help do the dishes, but nothing like they do. In fact, Mrs. S is not very good at letting other people help her, and be there for her. I am not either, so that is why I understand her. It is like the Servant Song (by Richard Gillard):
Brother, let me be your servant.
Let me be as Christ to you.
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant, too.
We are pilgrims on a journey.
We are brothers on the road.
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load.
I will weep when you are weeping.
When you laugh, I'll laugh with you.
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through.
Sometimes it is hard for us to let others help us get through this life journey. And for me, it is especially hard to let God help. I want to do the planning, I want things to work out my way, and you know what happens - I end up worrying about everything! I have been reading a book about Ruthless Trust (Brennan Manning) and the last Chapter I read called me out on this subject, because I don't trust God enough to not worry about the past and future and live in the moment. I worry about whether I will be able to pay for everything, or whether another job will come along, or whether I should move to another city, or .....
But Monday morning stopped me dead in my tracks as I realized that God is constantly working for the good in our lives. He puts people in our lives that will give to us endlessly, and that is amazing. But when you realize he thinks enough of us to use our worrying, untrusting, sinful selves to give back to the people who have helped us, or to others we have never met, you can't help but feel blessed and grateful that Jesus loves you enough that he would even use you to help others. God understands that it is so important that we have others supporting us along this journey, because he has been on this human journey. He is constantly before us, working for the good. Mrs. S. told me not long after the doctor told her that Mr. S. had passed away, "this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life, but I have been so worried about how I was going to take care of him and it would have killed me to put him in a home. God works before us."
When we sing to God in heaven,
We shall find such harmony
Born of all we've known together
Of Christ's love and agony.
Recently some people were asking me why the Methodist and Episcopal Church baptize infants. I thought a moment and said, "we believe that God is before us, God is for us, God is in us and God is through us." So, in part, the baptism of infants is a sign to the rest of the World that God loves you before you ever love him - God is before us.
This week I have also seen lived out another part of the "God is before us." Back in the fall when I was hired at this clerkship, I had just moved to a new place in the city I live in. It did not make monetary sense to move again, and some people even said I shouldn't take the job. I prayed about this and something just told me that this was the thing to do.
I mentioned to a friend of mine from college that I was going to be working in this new town and she said, "my grandmother lives there. Let me see if she would mind you staying with her a couple of nights a week. My grandfather is not well, and you might be some company for her." Low and behold her grandmother said yes and I began to stay with Mr. and Mrs. S two nights a week.
People kept asking me, "isn't it a little weird to be staying with these people?" Or they would say, "what do you do?" Honestly, from day one it was not weird at all. It seemed so normal to be there and we all just hit it off right from the start. Well, except one thing - Mr. S. let me bring him his drink at night for dinner but he made sure to tell me, "Now, Mary is going to bring my food." And that is how it worked - I would make our drinks and get his tray set up and Mrs. S would bring him his food. We eat and watch our shows and do crossword puzzles and just visit.
I guess I should add that Mrs. S is, if not the best, sorry Dad, one of the best cooks I have ever known in my life. If you know me, you know I love to eat a good meal. My best friend laughs at me often and says, "Katie, you are in heaven." And I tell her, "you got that right."
Lately, I have been feeling a little guilty wondering if the S family thought I shouldn't be staying with their parents and grandparents because maybe they thought this was a bad thing. My friend, Mrs. S's granddaughter, told me a couple of weeks ago, "I am a little worried about grandmother when you leave. She loves having you there." I wasn't sure if she was being nice or if she really meant that. Although, it is funny because my mom keeps saying, "what are you going to do without Mrs. S?"
So, Monday when my friend called to say that her granddad was taking a turn for the worst, this spirit moved in me telling me to get up there to be with Mrs. S. My friend said, "maybe you should wait to go, you know how grandmother is." But that spirit said, "Katie get up there now." Boy am I glad I listened to that spirit. I didn't realize until I got to that hospital how much I have grown to care about, and love the S's.
I am so grateful that God allowed me to be there for Mrs. S during this time. That sounds like such a "pat me on the back kind of statement," doesn't it? But that really is not what I mean. God put these people in my life and all they have done is give and give and give. I am sure that is where my guilt has come from the last couple of weeks, I have not been able to give back to them. Sure, I unload wood or help do the dishes, but nothing like they do. In fact, Mrs. S is not very good at letting other people help her, and be there for her. I am not either, so that is why I understand her. It is like the Servant Song (by Richard Gillard):
Brother, let me be your servant.
Let me be as Christ to you.
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant, too.
We are pilgrims on a journey.
We are brothers on the road.
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load.
I will weep when you are weeping.
When you laugh, I'll laugh with you.
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through.
Sometimes it is hard for us to let others help us get through this life journey. And for me, it is especially hard to let God help. I want to do the planning, I want things to work out my way, and you know what happens - I end up worrying about everything! I have been reading a book about Ruthless Trust (Brennan Manning) and the last Chapter I read called me out on this subject, because I don't trust God enough to not worry about the past and future and live in the moment. I worry about whether I will be able to pay for everything, or whether another job will come along, or whether I should move to another city, or .....
But Monday morning stopped me dead in my tracks as I realized that God is constantly working for the good in our lives. He puts people in our lives that will give to us endlessly, and that is amazing. But when you realize he thinks enough of us to use our worrying, untrusting, sinful selves to give back to the people who have helped us, or to others we have never met, you can't help but feel blessed and grateful that Jesus loves you enough that he would even use you to help others. God understands that it is so important that we have others supporting us along this journey, because he has been on this human journey. He is constantly before us, working for the good. Mrs. S. told me not long after the doctor told her that Mr. S. had passed away, "this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life, but I have been so worried about how I was going to take care of him and it would have killed me to put him in a home. God works before us."
When we sing to God in heaven,
We shall find such harmony
Born of all we've known together
Of Christ's love and agony.
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