A Nice Boy
People are all the time wanting to "set me up with a nice boy," they happen to know. Most of the time I am pretty laid back about the whole bit, but every now and then the "nice boy" has qualities that make me question what vibe I must be giving off. You see, recently someone had this notion to set me up with this guy who is nice, but he is so far from my type it is ridiculous. It is so ridiculous that I am now questioning what I am doing to make someone think we would be a good match.
I saw a movie preview yesterday and this girl was lamenting about how she had no date for Valentine's Day. Her friend said, "you mean to tell me no one has asked you out?" She said, "okay, well, one looser, a couple of psychos, and some stalkers." The guy said, "see, that is a start." I completely understand this chick. The only people who ever want to ask me out are weird, and crazy.
When I first moved to Mississippi for law school, I lived in this crazy apartment complex. My first mistake was just picking a place out of a book. Anyway, my neighbors turned out to be the most eclectic weird bunch ever. This one guy was about 34 and in love with me. How do I know he was in love with me? Well, once or twice a week he would knock on my door and bow down like a person in the King's court and present me with something he had cooked or baked for me. It was quite strange. His roommate told me he was in love with me and everytime the lover boy wouldn't look, the roommate would patter his hand over his heart.
Then this other couple in their 50's lived behind me, and every night they would enjoy a nice little rumble in their bedroom. This would not be such a big deal except that their bedroom was on the other side of my bedroom wall. You could hear everything. It was like clock work every night at 8p.m. They were done by 9p.m. so I would have to wait to go to bed every nigh.
Another couple lived up on the third floor and they had some domestic violence problems. Usually they would fight during the night, but one day about lunch she chased him down the stairs with a broken beer bottle. They had an altercation that ended when they each broke the other's key off in the door of their vehicles - thus they were both stranded. Grown men ran and hid when these altercations occurred.
On top of all of that, they all came to me with their legal problems. I had to explain on multiple occassions that I was only a student - a first year student at that - and I could not represent them, especially at their DUI trials. Let me just say that not only did I think Mississippi was the arm pit of the world, I was so weirded out by the love infatuation I didn't know what to do. When my dad came to move me out he was so astounished by how much I knew about everyone that lived there. (I didn't tell him about the guy who loved me - he would never let me live that one down.)
These kinds of people follow me. And to make matters worse - these are always the kinds of people that ask me out. Plus, now I have other people wanting to set me up with a completely different crazy crowd. This new crowd is very liberal, save the world, dumb movie loving, kind of folk. Is this the image I portray? Do I come across as someone who loves crazy? Do I come across as someone who wants to go green and live without toilet paper?
Well, I don't - I like my toilet paper, and I can't save the world - I can't save anyone who isn't ready to admit they need help. I don't have a bleeding heart, the last time I checked, and I certainly don't want to spend my time dealing with some boys' crazy mental issues - I have my own thank you very much. So, next time you decide to set someone up - think through the implications of your suggestions. And if I am putting off some weird vibe - please let me know!
I saw a movie preview yesterday and this girl was lamenting about how she had no date for Valentine's Day. Her friend said, "you mean to tell me no one has asked you out?" She said, "okay, well, one looser, a couple of psychos, and some stalkers." The guy said, "see, that is a start." I completely understand this chick. The only people who ever want to ask me out are weird, and crazy.
When I first moved to Mississippi for law school, I lived in this crazy apartment complex. My first mistake was just picking a place out of a book. Anyway, my neighbors turned out to be the most eclectic weird bunch ever. This one guy was about 34 and in love with me. How do I know he was in love with me? Well, once or twice a week he would knock on my door and bow down like a person in the King's court and present me with something he had cooked or baked for me. It was quite strange. His roommate told me he was in love with me and everytime the lover boy wouldn't look, the roommate would patter his hand over his heart.
Then this other couple in their 50's lived behind me, and every night they would enjoy a nice little rumble in their bedroom. This would not be such a big deal except that their bedroom was on the other side of my bedroom wall. You could hear everything. It was like clock work every night at 8p.m. They were done by 9p.m. so I would have to wait to go to bed every nigh.
Another couple lived up on the third floor and they had some domestic violence problems. Usually they would fight during the night, but one day about lunch she chased him down the stairs with a broken beer bottle. They had an altercation that ended when they each broke the other's key off in the door of their vehicles - thus they were both stranded. Grown men ran and hid when these altercations occurred.
On top of all of that, they all came to me with their legal problems. I had to explain on multiple occassions that I was only a student - a first year student at that - and I could not represent them, especially at their DUI trials. Let me just say that not only did I think Mississippi was the arm pit of the world, I was so weirded out by the love infatuation I didn't know what to do. When my dad came to move me out he was so astounished by how much I knew about everyone that lived there. (I didn't tell him about the guy who loved me - he would never let me live that one down.)
These kinds of people follow me. And to make matters worse - these are always the kinds of people that ask me out. Plus, now I have other people wanting to set me up with a completely different crazy crowd. This new crowd is very liberal, save the world, dumb movie loving, kind of folk. Is this the image I portray? Do I come across as someone who loves crazy? Do I come across as someone who wants to go green and live without toilet paper?
Well, I don't - I like my toilet paper, and I can't save the world - I can't save anyone who isn't ready to admit they need help. I don't have a bleeding heart, the last time I checked, and I certainly don't want to spend my time dealing with some boys' crazy mental issues - I have my own thank you very much. So, next time you decide to set someone up - think through the implications of your suggestions. And if I am putting off some weird vibe - please let me know!
Comments
PS - This post may be anonymous, but I promise it is not Steve.
The Kings court comment had me about falling out of my seat with laughter!