Traumarama

Did any of you read the magazine "YM" when you were a kid? I remember reading it in middle school and I think most of the information was way over my head. The only things I can really remember were the traumatic stories. Remember that section? They were always basically the same embarrassing story- some girl started her period in an embarrassing place or something. But every time the magazine was delivered in my mailbox, that was the first section I read.


YM also did this feature every year with the hottest guy in each state. I always liked that issue. Random, I know. Actually, I am almost positive a guy in my law school class was featured as "the hottest guy from Mississippi," one year. No kidding. Makes for an interesting claim to fame. It is almost as interesting as this girl who went to prom with one of the guys from NSYNC.


My point is, I never really read YM for any tips on dating. Where I am from, by the time you were old enough to actually date, the magazine wasn't that cool. And when you were young enough to think it was cool to read, the dating you were doing amounted to checking "yes or no" and maybe holding hands - if you were on the "easy" side. Maybe some of you were progressing a lot faster in middle school, but we were still fairly naive and pure. (Except for the few with older brothers and sisters who told them "things" that in turn were relayed to me and the others. I must admit it took me a long time to figure out what exactly they were talking about.)


So, in preparation for my "teenage girls bible study" thing, my co-facilitator tells me I need to read "17", as in, "Seventeen the Magazine." I don't really have the time, or the money, or the courage to stand in line at a store and buy this magazine - so, I googled it. Things have sure changed, or I was just a really dumb kid. They are talking about "the crazy ways they first told their boyfriends they loved them", "STDs," and there is one section entitled "do you harm yourself." These are some deep issues. Is this new, or was I not paying attention to these articles back in the day?


The other thing is, some of the "guys" who are answering the questions in the magazine are a little old if you ask me. What 20 year old guy cares about this magazine? At 20, most of my guy friends were reading Maxim or other magazines we shouldn't name. Where do they find guys who are willing to talk to a "teen magazine"? My first thought was, I hope young girls aren't taking too much stock in their answers, however, upon further reading, some of them are generally true answers no matter what their age.


For instance, the question of the day was, "what do girls do that you hate?" One guy said he hates it when a girl cries. I have found this is generally a true statement - especially when it comes to dads. Another one says he hates it when a girl says, "I told you so." I personally find more satisfaction in shrugging my shoulders and giving the "I told you so" look, but I guess that's just semantics. However, the one I took issue with was "she wants to go out with me, but suddenly stops talking to me." No guy should hate a girl for this behavior because guys do the same thing - thus, leading to the question we had to answer tonight: "How do you know when a boy likes you?"

I guess I should back up here and explain the "questions." The last time we met, we let the girls put questions they would like answered over the course of this study in a hat. Afterwards, we read through them in order to figure out what all we were going to talk about. So, this week we answered, "What is a boyfriend?" and "How do you know when a guy likes you." These are both very difficult questions if you really think about it.

We first tried to explain to them that these teen magazines are a little unrealistic in some areas. However, they had really good tips as far as "texting" and what not to text, etc. Texting is such a gray area that has not fully been explored as to its proper etiquette. Many of you who know me, know that I love to text. Some certain people even come to me in order to get witty responses for their textual flirting. Therefore, I felt like I could contribute to this portion of the conversation.

Next, we covered the "what is a boyfriend?" question. I think we were both on the same page in explaining the "DTR" to them. For all of you married folk, DTR stands for "define the relationship." We decided that for the eighth graders, when a boy says "will you go out with me", that is the DTR and you are definitely boyfriend and girlfriend. No other real words are needed. Really though, anyone who has been in the dating scene lately knows that it isn't that simple past the 8th grade. You have to have a legitimate DTR in order to be a "boyfriend/girlfriend." We did not dive into all of that, but we did tell them that you have to be honest about how you feel in order to have the DTR and decide if you are legitimately "boyfriend and girlfriend."

Lastly, we covered "how do you know that a boy likes you." Before our meeting tonight I asked the other co facilitator, "how are we supposed to tell them that there is no real way to know when a boy likes you?" It is true, unless he just tells you it isn't always clear. I know a girl who was out with friends one night. This guy, her now fiance, kept looking at her so she sent a friend over to find out if he liked her and he said, no. So she went on about her life. However, he really actually did like her and it wasn't until about a year later that he somehow told her and they started dating and he eventually admitted the truth about lying to her friend.

If you are a guy reading this, why do you guys do stuff like that? Really? And why do guys continue to do that school boy poke you and hit you even when they are in their twenties? Worse yet, how do you explain that things aren't going to change much in this department to little 8th grade girls who are so confused by it all? Well, we just told them the truth, and I think they thought we were kidding, but we weren't.

I feel like I have to learn a new "lingo" working with youth. In the magazine today they had a headline "traumarama prom experiences." I told someone I am going to start incorporating traumarama into my daily vocabulary. In fact, I think this entire thing is very traumarama for me, but I will sleep well tonight knowing we have at least given a new generation the heads up on the importance of the DTR...